The worst issue for me with fibromyalgia was always my pain. Notice how that is past tense. It’s not that the pain is gone, no, oh no, it’s just that now depression has been added in to the mix.
I’ve often talked to others with fibro and tried to figure out how they were coping with the pain. A lot of time, they would comment that although they did deal with pain, theirs wasn’t as acute as mine. That their bigger issue was depression. And I would always say, “Oh, hmmm. . . I don’t really have that problem.”
Alas, I’m in new territory here. And I have to be honest that I don’t like this territory. I’ve probably been fighting it for some time, but just called it “the blues” or “normal stress”. Nope, in the past few weeks, things have gotten really bad and I’m left with the frank reality that I’m battling clinical depression.
I don’t particularly enjoy sharing this news. It’s humbling, oh so humbling, because not only does it stem from some really hard stuff, but because I know that there are those who will judge me, and think that somehow I must not be “right with God” because they believe that it is more of a spiritual issue than a brain chemistry one. To those people, I’m just going to ask that you not send me any emails. I’m not posting this to ask for your opinions. (I’ve got enough of those flowing through my head already.) I’m posting this for all of the people who have struggled with depression silently or have a loved one who is struggling silently, just so that you’ll know that you’re not alone and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
On the other hand, if you can relate to this and want to share your stories, please feel free to comment or email me. I would especially like to hear the Bible verses that helped you fight out of the darkness and in to the light.
My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body.
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:20-23
Last night, as I was trying to get to sleep, I started looking for a new podcast to download. I am so thankful that God directed me that direction last night. I listened to a Family Talk with Dr. James Dobson series last night on depression and it was SO encouraging. They aired May 16- 18, 2011 and featured a discussion with pastor Tommy Nelson. Tony was already asleep last night when I started listening to the episodes, but first thing this morning I told him that those 3 episodes were required listening! They did a great job of explaining the chemical part of depression and how it feels. I keep saying that I just don’t feel like myself . . . that I can’t explain things well, that I can’t grasp info that I’m trying to read, etc . . . When Tommy Nelson said something about not even being able to read during his depression, it was a huge comfort to me. I really never knew that depression could affect a person in so many ways.
So I want to encourage you all to listen to those podcasts online. I am fully convinced that they will help you if you ever battle depression or if you have a friend or family member who does, just because the podcasts will truly help you to understand the very real chemical process that they are facing and will educate you about what is helpful and what isn’t.
I’ve got more thoughts that I might want to share as I work through things, but here’s another thing online that really blessed me this morning: You can’t always be trusted with yourself by Gypsy Mama. Even if you’re not battling depression, I know that we all fight the lies that Satan whispers to us and that we need to remember not to trust those lies.
Thank you all for hanging in there with me, for your encouraging comments, emails, and prayers. They really have been a blessing even if I haven’t had the energy to respond to them all individually yet. I plan to, but I’m just taking things at a much slower pace right now. I know that quite a few people who read The Homeschool Minute weren’t sure about what health issue I was talking about in my entry, I apologize for that. I didn’t mean to be so vague and to leave people hanging like that. It is fibromyalgia and it’s hard to explain. I found two websites that might help explain what fibro is: the Fibromyalgia Network and Mayo Clinic.
Also know that during all of this, I decided to deactivate my Facebook account. (I didn’t just drop you as a friend.) It probably would have been good etiquette for me to give all of my FB friends a warning before I did that, but I had fought with myself about it for a few weeks and just kind of did it in the spur of the moment. I’m not sure if I’ll go back to the world of Facebook, but for right now, I’m focusing on the peace and quiet of the here and now and just trying to find my way back to me. Thanks for understanding.
Blessings my friends,